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Buddhist Humor

Zen Crossword

Humor, tasteful humor that is, makes us smile, makes us laugh, makes us happy. Laughter eases suffering, and sharing laughter with others spreads happiness to others, be sure to not only laugh and smile every day, but be sure to make others laugh and smile too.

And remember…When one can laugh at the follies of oneself, the self is freed.


If you have a Buddhist joke you would like to share, please use the Contact Us page to send it to us, add the word, Humor, to the email subject line.


Om…

Discipline, Zen Style.

Reference: Email

Zen Discipline...

If It Were Only So Easy.

Reference: Surfing The Net

The Buddha Patch...

Even Chickens Suffer.

Reference: Surfing The Net

Even Chickens Suffer...

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm...

Reference: Buddha Dude

Why Must ‘God’ Be A Buddhist??

Because He Does Not Believe In Himself…

How Karma Works

Reference: Email

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. ”Not a chance,” says the husband, ”it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.

”Who was that?” asked his wife. Just some drunken guy asking for a push,” he answers. Did you help him?” she asks. ”No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”

”Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. ” Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?  I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!” The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, ”Hello, are you still there?” ”Yes,” comes back the answer.” Do you still need a push?”  Calls out the husband. ”Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. ”Where are you?” asks the husband. ”Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.

Karma can come back in many different ways. Laughing

The Buddhist Vacuum

Reference: Lama Surya - The Book: Awakening the Buddha Within

Did you hear about the new Buddhist vacuum?

It does not come with any attachments....

Buddhist Computer Viruses

Reference: Professor Richard P. Hayes of McGill University in Canada: http://www.unm.edu/~rhayes

THERAVADA TERROR (often packaged in a seemingly innocuous file known as BHIKKHU.BUG): operates by giving ordination to your computer's CPU. While relatively harmless during the morning hours, this virus has the effect of making your computer refuse to intake or process any hard data after noon. (Female scholars need not be concerned about this virus, since female CPUs are not entitled to receive full ordination.)

MADHYAMAKA MONSTER: systematically replaces all data on the hard drive by a bit having a value of not 1, not 0, not both 1 and 0 and not neither 1 nor 0. The screen goes entirely blank, and whenever the operator taps a key, an information box pops up saying, 'There are no statements in this information box.'

VIJNANAVADA VEXATION: is the only known computer virus that has no effect whatsoever on your software. It does, however, make all the hardware and peripheral devices disappear, and convinces the software that there is no real distinction between a computer program and the data it processes. One extreme version of this viral scourge (also known as SOFTWARE ONLY) has the effect of making your software believe that it is the only software in the universe.

VAJRAYANA VIRUS: attacks the computer's BIOS, causing the screen to emit a radiant clear light that beams directly into the operator's heart. The computer itself sustains no damage, but the operator's mind is transformed into mush with the inane message 'The passions themselves are enlightenment. Misinformation itself is data.' The operator then is overwhelmed with a compulsive urge to upload billions of gigabytes worth of graphics displays of incomprehensible mandalas onto Web sites around the world, for the benefit of all sentient machines.

INDRAJALA INFECTION: which causes all sentient beings to be networked, all information to be replicated, and whenever any sentient being is removed from the network neither it nor its previous context can be said to exist. (Also known as the 'ten coins terror'). Rumour has it this was the by-product of a marketing slogan coined by a lama doing contract work for Sun Microsystems, 'the network is the operator'. Once this virus has infected any machine, everything is instantly affected, and it is no longer possible to conceive of the universe in the absence of the virus.